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With You Gone

from 11​:​44 by eCsiLe

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about

This song is about dealing with the pain and frustration of being estranged from a child. It's a very personal song that is written to my oldest son, who due to mental illness and manipulation by people he has surrounded himself with, completely removed himself from our lives.

lyrics

(Verse 1)
How can it be something that brings me so much grief'
can somehow simultaneously seem
like its such a' piece of my identity?
I y. greatest regret an' yet one of my crowning achievements
sleepless nights, haunted by this urge I fight to
let my pain entice me toward anger.
I despise the way I feel inside when I
can't escape all these thoughts... as I reflect
on your betrayal.
And I don't know whose fault is. I wasn't perfect.
I'm sure at times I was too harsh and that
it hurt you.
Im hurt too. I sacrifed much of my youth to
build a life designed around providing for ye😐😐.
It seems I failed. Despite my intentions
I couldn't seem to reach through the vie l
that separates our perception;
Im at loss. I don't know where to go from
here.
If we can't even talk how do I show you
I care?

(Chorus)
I wish I could... go back to when
you were young and so innocent,
where did we go wrong?
I wish I could... go back to
before you were gone
Now I must learn to move on

(Verse 2)
I was so fortunate. Feel like I've lost everything
when I was given the greatest gift.
I know you feel justified for the way that
you feel inside,
It seems real but my hope is in time,
God will open your eyes to the truth,
help you to see things we're all blinded to
in our youth,
I've never claimed perfection. Your mom
hasn't either...
but we both were present.-we were here
when you needed us...
there are those who would rewrite the past
to make it seem as if they gave you time
they never had,
No matter how blinded by naive anger you are,
you know who was here from the start,
In your heart, you know i no walked
by your side so far, and who just showed
up to have fun after the hard part
was done... Son I won't beg you and plead
but Im praying for you daily Im down on
my knees asking God to intercede.
in your life, hoping we can be restored
and-you'll come back home to your family.

I wish I could... go back to when
you were young and so innocent,
where did we go wrong?
I wish I could... go back to
before you were gone
Now I must learn to move on

credits

from 11​:​44, track released September 1, 2023
Produced by Chris Treborn

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all rights reserved

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about

eCsiLe image

eCsiLe Aumsville, Oregon

A musical artist with a love for lyricism and musical expression… After releasing his first solo album in 2011, he began work on a sophomore effort titled "Painful Inhabitance." Before it was released, eCsiLe disappeared from music.

After a long journey that felt like 40 years in the wilderness, he’s back. What does that mean? Time will tell what God has in store... but it's in the right hands. ... more

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